Haiz... Full of tears today... these tears really hold for too long... I cried, yet don wish to let him see... I cry... I wanna cry hard... but I cant... it was an unbearable pain... The pain that exist ever since I knew him... His hug, his hand... both are so warm... but soon it might not be mine... The hand that he might be holding after his decision... may not be mine... haiz...

Tml is our 1st anniversary... I cried becos this is the first and therefore... mayb its the last anniversary I gonna celebrate with him... He told me to be strong... he say, I must find a bf if the result came out and its not me... Well... wanna find then can find de meh? He told me to stay strong and he doesnt wish to see me cry on the day he tells me the outcome of his choice... I know he's upset too... for the whole day he was staring blindly... I know he's thinking of something, something that bothers him for at least 1 and a half year... I asked him... If he had nv met me, will he goes back to his ex without hesitating? He say most likely yes with a little thinking... and therefore... I felt that I myself is a blockage between him and his ex...

I cry... hopefully for the last time... Hopefully I can accept the fact without any tears dropping down... And I really pray hard that the outcome will not disappoint me...